Tuesday, 25 November 2008

Why Do People Self-sabotage Their Lives?

Why do people self-sabotage their lives?

Why do some people with every apparent disadvantage make something of their lives – look at Oprah Winfrey’s life journey - while others with advantages throw it all away, on drink, drugs, poor life choices, destroying relationships with those who love them most?

A student wins a scholarship to a prestigious college but fails to turn in two assignments on time and is asked to leave.

Someone with great musical talent stops practicing, two weeks before an important selection.

On the first day of starting a great new job, a person forgets to set their alarm clock so arrives late creating a poor first impression.

Or the person who says they want a better job but deliberately applies for unsuitable jobs, one they are not qualified for or are not practically possible.

Another person has been told by their doctor that they must lose weight and improve their eating habits drastically to avoid serious illness, possibly death. Full of good intention, they start a sensible eating programme and join a fitness class but stop after just two weeks. The pain of making the change is somehow greater than the pain of the threat of illness.

The person who ignores on-going pain, swallowing pain-killers, refusing to see a doctor then discovering one day they have terminal cancer which could have been cured had they sought help earlier.

A person finally receives the keys to a dream home but neglects to pay the home insurance and the downstairs is destroyed by an electrical fault.

The father who has a loving wife, good children and a happy home but destroys everyone’s happiness by starting an affair.

The person who wants love, wants a togetherness relationship, but when it stares them in the face, runs a mile, too scared to give back and make a commitment. It is easier to find some small reason why they cannot enjoy happiness together instead of choosing to overcome any issues. No relationship is perfect but they go looking for something which does not exist instead of appreciating how fortunate they are to have found someone who loves them.

They say we have a fear of failure but too often, the real problem is fear of success.

What if we really could have it all? Other people do and not just in movies.

Does it come from a deep-rooted feeling of not being good enough, not deserving enough, not capable enough of living up to what will be required of us if we do step into this next stage – even if it means fulfilling our dreams? Why not eliminate that negative comparison “not ….. enough” once and for all? According to who?

Self-sabotage behaviour is when there is no logical or rational explanation for why you cannot do the things you want to do or why you cannot have the things you want to have.

Sometimes it is so frightening to imagine changing, growing or making conscious choices that we deliberately hamper our own efforts. That means that something is going on unconsciously to cause us to self-sabotage.

Self-sabotage is really a form of self-hatred. It is not extreme to say that. There is a fine line between love and hate and if you are self-sabotaging, you have not learned to truly love yourself.

Are you going to allow the negative self-talk to keep you on a path of destruction or are you going to build a better future, brick by brick?

"Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude." - W.W. Ziege

I think we all have situations where parts of us are not in congruence ie part of us says/wants one thing while another part of says/wants something else. This inner dichotomy can cause a great deal of stress if not resolved. NLP has a very effective technique for dealing with this “inner tug-of-war” by integrating the parts when a person is ready.

In which areas of life are you holding yourself back? Do you know why? Is procrastination your enemy? Laziness? Is it fear of success? Fear of commitment? Are you waiting for the perfect scenario? (The UK government did that with the Euro. Now the Pound has fallen from 1.40 € to 1.22 €.)

I suggest you find some quiet time to be with your inner self. Ask yourself what you are afraid of. What fears do you have? What uncertainties? What makes you feel uncomfortable about this goal? For what reasons would you try to hold yourself back? Using a journal to write down questions and answers can help too because writing helps you to connect with the deepest part of yourself. It might take time and practice, but exploring these possibilities can dramatically help you to flee the self-sabotage rut.

Hypnosis sessions can quickly deal with overcoming limiting beliefs, fears and destructive behavior.

Be authentic and true to yourself. You can be, do or have anything you want but first you may need to clear some of the negative obstructions which are holding you back. You can be free to live the life you truly want.

“If you want to make your dreams come true, the first thing you have to do is wake up.” - J. M. Power

“By your thoughts you are daily, even hourly, building your life; you are carving your destiny.” - Ruth Barrick Golden

“Your life changes the moment you make a new, congruent, and committed decision.” - Anthony Robbins

"Procrastination . . . is the thief of our self-respect. It nags us and spoils our fun. It deprives us of the fullest realization of our ambitions and hopes." - Thomas S. Monson

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." – Mark Twain

"Excuses are the words coming from the loser in you." - Robert Kiyosaki in Rich Dad Poor Dad

"Nothing is more expensive than a missed opportunity." - H. Jackson Brown JR.

" Always be able to look back and say “ At Least I did notlLead no Humdrum Life” - Forrest Gump

© Antonia Harrison the English Hypnotherapist & NLP Practitioner in Belgium and Download Hypnosis Mp3 for immediate, affordable hypnosis Mp3s to improve your life.


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